Why You Shouldn't Write Alone
On giving yourself the gift of a writing community
Hi friends,
We’re at the part of the summer where my kids spent about 85 percent of their waking life submerged in water, only coming up long enough for me to spray them down with sunscreen or shove a cheese stick in their hand.
Yesterday, my son wanted to go swimming early, but only if the diving boards were open. This child bakes the best chocolate chip cookies I’ve ever tasted, knows the NYC metro like the back of his hand, willingly goes grocery shopping solo in non-English speaking countries…he’s a self-sufficient kid.
So I told him I didn’t know if the diving boards were open, and he just sort of sat there, stumped. I suggested he call and ask. When I tell you he looked at me like I had grown three heads…we sat there staring at each other for a good minute, and then it dawned on me: this kid has never made a phone call. Like ever, in his life (facetiming grandparents obviously doesn’t count). So we role played how it would go (his first stab at it: “Hello, this is Ebenezer Shellington the Third, and I have an inquiry for you today, good sir!”) and he did it! And they were open! And I realized that I need to build more skills like “making phone calls” into my “how to parent” manual.
We try to find ways for our kids to be independent whenever possible because we want them to feel a part of, and learn how to navigate, their community and the communities they’ll inhabit as adults. And that’s also the rationale behind how I’ve built Epilogue Editing—creating communities of and for writers (huh, maybe that should be my new slogan).
Why you should write in community
I talk to people quite often who find writing to be a wholly isolating experience. People who find the pressure of writing/publishing so great that they don’t leave their offices or apartments for days or weeks on end. Or people who have convinced themselves that, since writing is the only solo activity they do, it’s also the most “selfish” activity they do, so they fill their days with teaching and family responsibilities and either give up on writing all together or write in stolen time late at night or early in the morning.
Just because writing is solo (when it’s not co-authored at least), doesn’t mean it has to be solitary. Now is the time to figure out who your writing community is going to be for the semester.
Writing in community accrues all kinds of benefits: a sense of motivation/ accountability, a sense of camaraderie, where you know people are on your side, a sense of identity, where you can identify, first and foremost, as a writer.
How to find a community
Writing communities can look lots of different ways. Biweekly meetings with co-authors where you touch base and then work together for an hour. A buddy that you text on Monday to set goals and then on Friday to report back. A Zoom writing group of folks you know (or don’t know). Writing retreats, either in person or online. Workshops with folks in your field.
My sense is that writing communities work best when they’re a degree or two removed from you. If it’s a Zoom writing check-in with your best friend, it’s too easy to just drink wine all the time/cancel because you’re sleepy and promise you’ll make it up to them. If it’s a writing group organized by your chair, it’s scary to admit when writing isn’t going well, and it feels like you need to perform.
The two most important things are consistency and creating a universe devoid of assholes. You need to show up, basically every time, and you need to make sure you don’t allow toxic people to infiltrate that space.
Epilogue Editing communities
If you’re reading this and like “yeah, I need a community but I don’t know how to start one…” do I have great news for you! There are multiple opportunities for you to write with us in community, now and in the future. Here are a few:
Writing Sprints! A few times a year—November, April, and August—I host writing sprints, where we get together to write, on Zoom and on Slack. These are fun, and a great way to get to know folks who are also trying to get a lot of writing done. If this sounds fun, Come write with me every day for a week, August 25-29. We’ll have quick hour-long writing sessions, with a longer writing block on Friday, and Slack group for accountability/talking about how to create sustainable writing patterns during the school year. Register here.
Writers’ Circles! A few times a year—September, January, and May—I host writers’ circles with a focus on creating a community around writing. If these sound appealing, it’s not too late to join for September! You can read more about them here and register here.
Book writing cohorts! Writing books is a different beast all together, and it really helps to have people who are at similar stages to bounce ideas off of/write in solidarity with. This is why I created the book writing workshop and advanced book writing workshop. Both start in May (so you can take advantage of the summer to get writing done), but people can enroll for part of the year as well.
Writing retreats! Writing retreats are magical ways to pause time to create space for writing together. Mirya Holman and I host occasional retreats (watch this space for the next announcement) and I also help universities and departments facilitate retreats.
If any of these sound appealing to you, now or in the future, reach out! I’d love to have you join me.
But here’s the secret: you can do any of these yourself. Pick a Friday and send out a Zoom link to some cool folks you met at a conference. Reserve a conference room on campus and see if someone from physics and someone from art history want to write with you on Thursdays. Ask your grad school buddy to hang out with you on Zoom for two hours Monday mornings while you executive plan your week. These are all free, easy ways to build community. You just need to pick one and stick to it (and sometimes make a phone call or two).
Write good things, hopefully with a buddy!
Kelly